>A burglary was recently committed at Sunderland's ground and the entire
contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man
with a Red and white carpet.
>Monkey Reid was caught speeding on his way to the Stadium of Sh*te today.
"I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned.
>A man walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Sunderland shirt, bobble hat and scarf. The barman says, "Hey! No pets
allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The man begs, "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken,
and this is the only place we can see the game." After securing a promise
that the dog will behave and warning that if there is any trouble they will
be thrown out, the barman relents and allows them to stay in the bar and
watch the game. Sunderland attack from the kick off and their first goal
attempt is cleared off the line for a corner. With that the dog jumps up on
the bar and begins talking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.
The barman says, "Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What
does the dog do if they score a goal?"
"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."
>A man is driving his car quite erratically, and the Police stop him. The
officer says that he will have to be breathalysed at which point he pulls
out a card saying that he suffers from bad asthma so can't do that. The
officer then says that he will have to go down to the station and give a
blood sample, at which point the man brings out a card saying that he is a
haemophiliac so can't give blood. At this the officer says that he will have
to have a urine sample, at which the man brings out a card which says, 'This
man is a Boro supporter....' dont take the p**s .
>Q: Why should Sunderland fans be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
>Peter Reid's getting worried that all his players are sh*te, so he thinks he
should phone up a decent manager and ask for some advice. He rings Alex
Ferguson who explains to him that he has all the United players dribble
round traffic cones, thus improving their close ball control. So Fergie
suggests the Monkey try this.
Two weeks later, Fergie rings to see how the Mackems are coping with the new
system. When he answered the phone, though, the Monkey's Heed sounds quite
annoyed.
Fergie goes "So, did you try it? Did my suggestion work?"
Monkey goes "Fu*king traffic cones beat us 3-0" ...
>This professor of psychology at York university built a truth telling chair:
every time someone sitting in it lied, the bottom of the chair - essentially
a trapdoor mechanism - collapsed sending the seated person flying to the
ground.
He knew it worked - he'd tried it. but he had to do some research before any
one would believe him. So he advertised in the Northern Echo for volunteers
to come along and they'd get a fiver for their troubles. He received loads
of replies and as such was able to take from any selection he liked. As a
control for the experiment he decided to pick football supporters, and
invited three along for the first day of trials.....
Anyway, the first day came and a Newcastle fan arrived, he sat in the chair
and began to speak...
"I think Newcastle United football club are definitely the third force in
English football.." and instantly the chair collapsed, sending him sprawling
to the floor before he could carry on.
Next, a Boro fan arrived, he sat in the chair and began to speak...
"I think Middlesbrough football Club are still capable of mounting a title
challenge this season.." and instantly the chair collapsed, sending him
sprawling to the floor before he could carry on.
Then an Sunderland fan arrived, he sat in the chair and began to speak...
"I think.." and instantly the chair collapsed sending him sprawling to the
floor before he could carry on.
>A man goes into a pub with an alligator under his arm.
"Do you serve Sunderland fans in here?" he asks.
"Certainly Sir, no problem at all," replies the barman, nervously staring at
the alligator.
"Okay," says the man, "a pint of lager for me and a Sunderland fan for the
alligator."
Monkey Reid was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car
park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping.
He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?"
To which the old lady replied, "No way - you got yourself into this mess,
don't ask me to sort it out!"
>If a ManU and a Sunderland fan were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?
>Have you got what it takes to support Newcastle, Sunderland or Man United? Answer these questions to find out. I support my team because: a) I live nearby b) I live nearby, but wish I didn't c) I long for European nights, Wembley finals, lots of media coverage and basically my local team is sh*te. Watching my team: a) Has its ups and downs b) is like having a Yo Yo c) is great on my new TV. It's costly supporting my team because: a) The board are greedy B*STARDS b) I keep betting on us at the Ladbrokes' booth c) Away shirts cost a bloody fortune these days Since the Taylor Report on Safety at football: a) The atmosphere has diminished b) We're still playing crap c) I've fixed a rope ladder to my bedroom window and bought a seatbelt for my armchair. To see some action in Europe next year: a) we need to find a back door to go through b) I've booked a Club Med holiday to Majorca c) I'll be subscribing to Sky Sports. David Beckham: a) is intensely ugly b) will never sign for us in a million years c) is on lots of posters on my bedroom wall. The sort of player who I'd like to see playing for us: a) would give 100% every match b) would never sign in a million years c) will sign if he's paid enough. Football Violence: a) is on the decline b) is what I feel like at a quarter to five c) is throwing your pizza box at the TV set. Manchester is: a) A stinking slum and thank God I don't live there b) A stinking slum, but it's better than our city c) A wonderful, beautiful place that I've never been to. A penalty is usually given: a) All too frequently against us b) for a handball or a foul c) When one of our players falls over near the box. Your team narrowly loses the title to your deadliest rivals in a thriving final league game. Do you: a) Say "Never mind, there's always next year" b) Stone the players coach and cry your eyes out for the next three months c) Start supporting your deadliest rivals. Your team wins the title. Do you: a) Celebrate for a week or two then look forward to next season b) Wake up. Of course it was all a dream. c) Bore the pants off everyone with comparisons of the Brazil team of 1970. When I die: a) my ashes will be scattered over our pitch b) we still won't have won anything c) nobody will care. Mainly A's - You support Newcastle United Mainly B's - You support Sunderland Mainly C's - We don't want to know!
>This guy is flying down the road, and he comes over a bridge. Sure enough, a
cop with a radar gun is sitting on the other side of the bridge and pulls
him over.
The cop walks up to the guy's car and asks, "What's the hurry?" The guy
says, "I'm late for work."
What do you do?"
The guy responds, "Well, I'm a rectum stretcher."
The cop says, "What? A rectum stretcher?"
The guy says, "Yeah. I start with a finger, then work my way up to two
fingers... eventually I get a hand in, then both
hands, and I slowly stretch it until it's about six feet wide."
The cop asks, "What do you do with a six-foot arsehole?" "Well, you give h
im a red and white stripe shirt and call it a mackem...."
A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their red colours.
He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud 'THUMP' and then he
would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He
thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest
"Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's
church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest. "No problem Father!
I'll give you a lift! Climb in!"
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down
the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the
road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered
the priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly
missing the bastard. However, even though he was certain he missed him, he
still heard a loud 'THUD.' Not understanding where the noise came from, he
glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the
priest and said "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit the Manchester United fan."
"That's okay" replied the priest, "I got the bastard with the door!"
>Monkey Welsh and his friend are standing on a cliff. His mate has two
budgies on his shoulder, Monkey boy has a parrot on his. His mate jumps
first, all screaming through the air to land in a crumpled heap on the
ground below.
Next jumps Mikey.. halfway down, he pulls out a gun and shoots the parrot's
head off.... all to no avail as he lands in a heap next to his mate...
His mate goes: Ya know, that budgie-jumping is highly over-rated...
To which Mikey replies: Yeah, and that parrot-shooting isn't so hot
either...
>The other day, a Geordie, a Smoggie, and a Mackem wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the Geordie and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The geordie answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him
through the gate. St. Peter turned to the Smoggie and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odours that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, the Smog monster had just seen the movie and answered,
"about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter then turned to the Mackem. "Name them."
>A Mackem was on trial for armed robbery. The jury comes out and the foreman announces, "Not guilty."
"Wonderful," shouts the Mackem. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
>One day, a 4th grader came home from school and asks his father, "Dad,
everyone in class can count to 100, but I can only count to 10. How come?"
His father says, "Well son, that's because you're from Sunderland."
The next day, the 4th grader came home from school and says, "Dad, today
everyone in class recited the entire alphabet. I only know up to the letter
'L.' How come?"
Again, his father replies, "Well, that's because you're from Sunderland."
Then one day, the 4th grader came home and was all excited, wearing a smile
from ear to ear. He says, "Dad! Dad! Today, we were in gym class, and all
the boys had little penises, but mine was huge! Is that 'cause I'm from
Sunderland??"
His father replies, "No son, that's because you're 28 years old."
>A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash. She sits
down at the bar next to a drunk.
The drunk rolls around, leans over, and "Splat! " He pukes all over the dog.
The drunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool of vomit,
and slurs, "Funny, I don't remember eating that!"
>Bobby Robson was walking through Newcastle one Friday night. Three tarty looking girls approached Bobby. The first girl shouted, "Bobby, Bobby! Sign here!" and flung out her left breast. Bobby, being the gentleman that he is signed it. The second girl shouted, "Bobby! Sign here," and pulled up her rather short skirt and pointed to her groin. Bobby signed it, being the gentleman that he is. The third, more adventurous girl shouted "Bobby! Bobby! Sign here!" To which Bobby replied, "Get lost! Only Sunderland managers sign cl*ts!"
A Geordie van driver has a favourite trick when he is driving his van. Every time he sees a Mackem walking on the pavement he swerves to hit him. One day he is driving along and spots a hitchhiking priest and decides to give him a lift. About 2 miles down the road he spots a red and white shirt and swerves for him, but he realises who's in the car and misses him. But he hears a bang, and looks over at the priest who says "Don't worry, I got the b*stard with the car door".
>A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few
days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc.
After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored,
and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs,
and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm,
off he went, dogs in trail.
After a few hours, the nephew returned.
"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
>A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum (high time
they put that fence around Scumderland) and he hears all the residents
inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in.
Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts
chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
>A little guy was sitting next to a big guy in a bar and said, "Hey, wanna
hear a good Mackem joke?" The big guy frowned and answered, "I just happen
to be from Sunderland. You see those two big guys at that end of the bar?
Mackems. That mean lookin' son-of-a-bitch bartender, he's a Mackem too. Do
you still want to tell your Mackem joke?" The little guy looked around and
said, "Nope." "What's the matter?" asked the big guy. "Are you afraid that
we'll beat the shit out of you?" The little guy looked up at him and said,
"No, I just don't want to have to explain the punch line four times."
>The Sultan of Brunei was beginning to worry, for although he had 6 children,
he had no son and therefore, no heir. Imagine his joy when one of his wives
finally presented him with his first and only son and heir.
Before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan spoke to him and said, "Son, I
am proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get it for you." His son
replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane." Not wanting to do
things by halves, he bought him American Airlines. Before his son's 7th
birthday, the Sultan spoke to him and said,
"Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get it for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat." Not wanting to do things by
halves, his father bought him The Princess Cruise Lines.
Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan spoke to him and said,
"Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall
get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch
cartoons." Not wanting to do things by halves, his father bought him Disney
Studios, and their theatres, where he watched all his favourite cartoons.
Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan spoke to him and said,
"Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for
you." His son, who had really become obsessed with the Disney cartoons,
replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit."
Again, not wanting to do things by halves, his father bought him Sunderland
Athletic Football Club.
>Monkey heed walks into the dressing room before the Mackems biggest game of the season and there's a massive crap in the middle of the floor! "Who's crap on the floor!?!" he says. Quinny stands up and says "Me Gaffer! But I'm not bad in the air!"
>Q. What do you say to a Mackem in a suit? A. 'Will the defendant please rise.'
>A Mackem is walking along South Shields beach with his scrawny, flea-bitten, 1 ear 3-legged dog when he finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A big cloud of smoke escapes from the lamp along with a genie. "You have released me from 1000 years of torture being stuck in this lamp, for which I will grant you one wish", explains the genie. The Mackem thinks about it for a moment before coming to a decision. "I love my dog so I wish for my dog to become perfectly healthy, to have 4 legs again and 2 ears!" The genies face turns to horror."I am a genie but I am not a miracle worker!" The Mackem comes up with another wish."I'd like Sunderland to win the Premier League". "Give me another look at the dog again!"
>The fire brigade phones monkey heed Peter Reid in the early hours of the morning. "Mr. Reid sir, stadium of light is on fire". "The cups man, save the cups!" shrieks Peter. "Erm, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir".
>A Mackem fan walks into a pub with his dog just as the football scores come on the TV. The announcer says that Sunderland have lost 3-0 and the dog immediately rolls over on its back, sticks its paws in the air and plays dead. "That's amazing," says the barman. "What does he do when they win?" The Mackem Fan scratches his head for a couple of minutes and finally replies: "I dunno.... I've only had the dog for eight months.
>A reporter is Interveiwing Peter Reid and Alan Curbishley. He first asks Peter what his long term plans for Sunderland are. Peter replies "Well, I see us becoming a good, average Premiership team, who don't even get involved in relgation issues.". The reporter then puts the same question to Alan of Charlton, who answers" I think that, now we have secured promotion, we will be able to mount a succesfull challenge to the Premier League title. Once in Europe, we will carry off the European cup for the next 5 years. "Don't you think that's a little bit over-optimistic, Alan?", asks the Interviewer, to which Alan replies "well, Peter started it."
>A Mackem visits an orchard and asks how much the apples are. "You can pick as many as you like for a fiver" he is told. "Great" he replies "I'll have a tenners worth".
>There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, where upon a man got up and said that he could tell a Mackem joke. Suddenly a bloke in the back of the bus said, "No, don`t do that. I'm a Sunderland fan. "The guide looked at him and said, "That's okay. We'll explain it to you afterwards."
>Two Mackems are walking down Northumberland Street, when one of them spots a sign in a shop window. It reads Shirts - 50p, Trousers - £1, Suits - £2."Here", says the first Mackem to his mate, "have you seen that, shirts 50p trousers £1, Suits £2. It looks like a canny deal. Why don't we go in, buy the lot and take them back to Sunderland and sell them on for a profit." "Aye, that's a canny idea" says the other Mackem, "there's just one problem though. When the lady in the shop hears our accents, she won't serve us 'cause she will know we are Mackems.""Don't worry about that" says the first Mackem, "I went to school with a Geordie, I've got the accent off to a tee. "So, both the Mackems walk into the shop and ask the lady if the sign in the window is right. "What do you mean?" she says "Shirts for 50p, trousers £1 and suits £2." "Aye that's right, says the first Mackem. "And we want to buy the lot. "The lady looks at them and smiles and says, "You two are Mackems aren't you. "Both the Mackems are totally shocked. "How did you know that like?" they say. Cause we're a dry cleaners you thick b*stards!!!"
>Peter Reid bumps into Phillips in the butchers and asks him why he is not at training. Phillips replies I am getting a pound of sausages Gaffer! Reid goes crazy with him shouting get yourself to training I'll get the sausages for you. As Reid is coming out he bumps into Bobby Robson. Hello there Peter says Bobby what brings you down to this neck of the woods then? Reid replies " Ah well Bobby I have just been getting a pound of sausages for Phillips. Bobby says" Hey that's one hell of a deal you've made there Peter!
>Peter Reid was heard to say that he likes Rebels in his squad. Just look at Phillips. What a Rebel he is!! He bought "Chicken Tonight" but he is not going to eat it until tomorrow!
>Three Mackems are stranded on an island with a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out and grants them three wishes. The first Mackem says, "I want to be 10 times smarter," so he turns into a Chelsea supporter, makes a raft and sails home. The second Mackem says, "I want to be 100 times smarter," He turns into an Arsenal supporter, makes a boat and also sails off home. The third Mackem, however, thought he'd be extra smart, so he says, "I want to be 1,000,000 times smarter," so he turns into a Newcastle supporter and walks home over the bridge.
>Peter Reid has made a new signing. He has signed Frankie Dettori as he thinks that the only way he will win the next DERBY.
>A skint Mackem lass is left with no money after her boyfriend left her. So she prays to God to win the lottery. After two weeks of watching the lottery results appear on teletext she prays to God again, only this time, she hears a voice from above saying, "Let's meet halfway on this, you Mackem skank, why don't you try buying a ticket?"
>Peter Reid is having trouble coaching his players to the standard of the Premiership, so he goes to see Arsene Wenger. The Arsenal manager tells old Monkey heed that he trains his players mentally as well as physically. He calls over Bergkamp and says, "Dennis, You are your father's son but not your brother. Who are you? "Dennis replies, "It's me! "Arsene tells Peter to do the same to his players, so the next day in training, Reid goes up to Kevin Phillips and asks him the same question. Kevin gets stuck, so Peter Reid tells him he can have the night to think of an answer. Kevin is really worried so he decides to ask Julio Arca, him being a foreigner like Arsene and Bergkamp. Arca says, "Well that's simple. It's me" So, the next day Kevin runs up to Peter and says, with a big grin on his face, "It's Arca, it's Arca" And Reidy goes, "No, no, no, you stupid boy. It's Dennis Bergkamp!"
>A Mackem dies and goes to heaven in his beloved red and white stripes. When he gets to the pearly gates St. Pete takes one look at him and says "sorry no Mackems allowed in heaven," but the Mackem pleads that he's a good bloke who has led a saintly life. He says, "Just last week I gave £20 to Children In Need, £30 to Help The Aged and £50 to Comic Relief". St. Pete thinks for a while then goes inside to speak to God (Bobby Robson) then comes back to the Mackem. Sorry mate but he feels the same as me. Here's your £100 quid back now f*ck off!
>Quasimodo asks Esmerelda if he really is the ugliest man alive. Esmerelda says "Go upstairs and ask the magic mirror who is the ugliest man alive and the mirror will tell you" Five minutes later Quasimodo comes down stairs and asks Esmerelda, "Who the f*ck is Peter Reid?"
>Old Monkey heed decides to scour war torn Kosovo for a cheap player. Anyway, he signs this ethnic Albanian for twenty quid. On his debut this guy has a blinder and scores a hat trick in the last 10 minutes. Reidy is so pleased he wants to take him out for 10 pints and a plate of cheesy chips. "OK" says the player, "But I must ring the folks back home first" "Hello Mam its me, I had a great game" "Don't you talk to me about football, last night ten men beat your Dad up with baseball bats". "But Mam, I scored..."I don't care, 6 men burst into the house this morning, dragged your sister into the street and gang raped her." "That's awful Mam, but I did score three goals". "GOALS, GOALS.... The car's just been torched, all our windows have been put out, the house has been looted and the dogs been shot, AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!" "My fault Mam, how the hell can you blame me??" "Well we wanted to stay in Kosovo, but no, you had to have your way and bring us to Sunderland!"
>How long does it take a Mackem lass to have a sh*t? 9 months!
>A Geordie girl, a girl from Sunderland and a West Indian girl all give birth to boys at the same time in the same hospital. However, the Nurses get the babies mixed up. To sort it out they decide to ask the dads to pick their own child. They ask the Geordie first but he picks the black baby. The nurses argue with him that the baby can't possibly be his, but he replies, "I know that! One of the other two could be a Mackem and it just isn't worth the risk.
>A life long Toon fan lies on his deathbed clutching his sons hand with his last breath he says "son i want you to take the money from the side there and nip doon the Stadium of Sh*te and buy a Sunderland season ticket for me" the son looks horrified and says but dad you've been a Newcastle fan all your live 85 years why would you want that as your last living wish son he says "its far better one of those pr*cks dies than one of us"
>Q: How many Sunderland fans does it take to change a lightbulb?.
A: None there all content with living in the shadows! (Thanks to Kylen Bennetts for providing this one)
Q. What do you have if you have 100 Mackems buried up to their necks in Sand? A. Not enough Sand! (Thanks to Rebecca Nattrass for providing this one)
>A Man is walking through a park in Newcastle one day, when he hears a child screaming. To his horror he sees a Rottweiller attacking a small boy. Without a second thought the man dives onto the dog and a monumental battle begins. The man gets bitten and clawed to within an inch of his life but somehow manages to pull the dog off the child, with the last ounce of strength he strangles the ferocious beast. A man with a camera around his neck rushes over to the bloody scene. "I'm a report with the Newcastle Chronicle and that is the bravest deed I have ever seen. I can just see the front page now - GEORDIE HERO SAVES CHILD FROM CERTAIN DEATH" "That's very kind of you replies the hero - but I'm not a Geordie - I'm a Mackem" The reported thinks for a while and replies "That's alright - You'll still make the headlines MACKEM B*STARD KILLS FAMILY PET". (Thanks to Simon Mrton for providng this one.)
>Newcastle are about to play Sunderland at the Stadium of Sh*te and Alan Shearer tells the rest of the Newcastle team to take the afternoon off as he will take on the Mackems on his own. The Mags thanked him and went down to the Strawberry for a couple of pints. They switched on Teletext to follow his progress. 26th minute 1-0 to Newcastle, scorer Shearer. Second half starts and in the 85th minute, 1-1 appears scorer Philips. The game ended 1-1. When Shearer gets back to the pub the boys asked him how he could only manage a draw against the Mackems and he replied. "Sorry lads I got sent off after half an hour."
>Or, as a variation to the joke above;
At training the day before the Newcastle V Sunderland, Alan Shearer said to Bobby Robson, "Bobby you and the lads go down to the pub and watch the game tomorrow and I'll play by myself" Bobby says "Are you sure you'll manage," and Alan replies "Yeah, sure". Bobby finally agrees. The day of the game Bobby and the rest of the team go down to the Pub and turn on the TV to watch the game. Within a minute of kick-off the score is; Newcastle 1 - 0 Sunderland. Alan Shearer is the scorer. Bobby goes home after this because he knows they will win. Later on that night Bobby watshes the Highlights and see's that the final score was; Newcastle 1 - 1 Sunderland. At training the next Bobby says to Alan "What happened Alan," and Alan replies "Well Bobby I got sent off after 30 minutes. (Thanks to Christopher Learoyd for providing this one)
>Q. The whole Sunderland team are drowned whilst on a Cruise. Who gets saved? A. The Nation! (Thanks to David Laing for providing this one)
>Q. What do you call a Mackem lass who has an abortion? A. A Crimestopper! (Thanks to David Laing for providing this one)
Q. What do Illegal Immigrants and Kevin Phillips have in common? A. They both have no use for England! (Thanks to David Laing for providing this one)
How many Mackem Jokes are on this page?
2, the rest are true stories!!!! (Thanks to Emma M for providing this one)
A Mackem And Their Lass Were Getting A Divorce, and they were Told To Take Their Child To The Judge So He Could Decide Who Would Get Custody.
After Reaching The Judges Office, The Judge Looked At The Child And Said : “I’m going to let your Mother take care of you”.
The Child Replied “I don’t want to live with my Mother, she beats me.”
The Judge Paused For A Second And Said “Okay then, I guess you can live with your Father”
The Child Immediately Responded “But I don’t want to live with him either, he beats me too”
After Thinking About This For A Short While The Judge
Asked “Well then, where do you want to go?”
The Child Said “I want to go and live with Peter Reid, because
he never beats anybody”. Thanks to Dave Ball for providing this one).
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Hilarious Mackem Monkeys
Peter Reids new signings?
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Riverside Stadium, as viewed from above!
With thanks to ToonWeb
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